Every part of me longs for feelings and excess. I feel thirsty for life and yet not quite willing to jump in. I feel like running, arms spread out and hair flying, screaming as if I want to use up all of my voice and all of my noise, happiness in every inch of me and the wind on my side, into a brick wall or off the edge of a building- just as the feeling gets too much.

I want everything and nothing, to be everywhere and nowhere.

I don’t want to settle; I don’t want the inbetween and the flat anymore. I embrace the lows just as much as the highs, because it’s real and it’s there and I am here, in my place, and the wall is down.

I feel flighty: the peace has gone. The slightest pinch and I am back on that roof, or that bridge, by the edge, balancing. But then the merest touch and I am flying again and the green is so green, the blue is so blue, the red is too red.

‘I want to go off into these woods and get good and lost for a while.’  (Be Safe – The Cribs)

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